"Either you know what you want and then you don't get what you want, or you get what you want and then you don't know what you want." — Bojack Horseman: Season 1, Episode 12
As an anxious, ambitious overachiever, my perspective has always been future-oriented. For as long as I can remember, the horizon has attracted me. The possibilities, the opportunities, my own potential, all these factors have made me open, eager, and optimistic about what comes next. Exploring the United Nations website, writing applications, and scrolling through LinkedIn can be thrilling (yes, really). Even when I have doubted myself or battled imposter syndrome, I’ve generally felt assured about the future and my ability to carve a path to my liking.
Now, for perhaps the first time in my life, I do not have a solid plan for what comes next. There are plenty of ideas swirling through my mind–grad school? International relations? Diplomacy? Museum work? Travel and tourism? Moving to a cabin in the middle of the mountains with a boat in the nearby lake and a job at the local cat café?--and, surprisingly, I am becoming more okay with uncertainty. Though contrary to my nature, I am trying to accept and comfortably reside in this liminal space.
When we look ahead, we can forget what directly surrounds us. I know that my days as a foreign language assistant in Erlangen are numbered. Fulbright, by design, cannot last forever. Until the end, I intend to spend this time living in the present. I must enjoy what I have now before I look back and reminisce on it as “the good old days”.
For now, I am excited for the future, but I will not forego the present in search of it.
Now, for perhaps the first time in my life, I do not have a solid plan for what comes next. There are plenty of ideas swirling through my mind–grad school? International relations? Diplomacy? Museum work? Travel and tourism? Moving to a cabin in the middle of the mountains with a boat in the nearby lake and a job at the local cat café?--and, surprisingly, I am becoming more okay with uncertainty. Though contrary to my nature, I am trying to accept and comfortably reside in this liminal space.
When we look ahead, we can forget what directly surrounds us. I know that my days as a foreign language assistant in Erlangen are numbered. Fulbright, by design, cannot last forever. Until the end, I intend to spend this time living in the present. I must enjoy what I have now before I look back and reminisce on it as “the good old days”.
For now, I am excited for the future, but I will not forego the present in search of it.